Right at the beginning of Scripture, before sin had entered the world, God looked at the man he had made and said something striking: "It is not good that the man should be alone." Everything else in creation had been declared good. Aloneness was the first thing that was not.
I have come to believe that community is not an optional extra, something for extroverts, or for people who have their lives together. It is an essential part of being human. It is life-giving. And it protects us against many of the things that slowly wear us down, like loneliness and depression.
My hope in writing this is simple: that you would start pursuing community with renewed passion.
What community actually is
We use the word "community" loosely. We call a congregation a community, or a WhatsApp group, or the people we work with. But being around people is not the same thing as being in community with them.
For me, real community has four marks. First, there is a sense of belonging: you know you are part of it, and that you are wanted there. Second, there is a sense of agency: you feel you can contribute, and that what you bring matters. Third, your needs are met, not perfectly, but genuinely. And fourth, there is emotional connection: you are known, and you know others.
A group of people that does not function like that is not a community. It is just a group of individuals.
That distinction matters, because many of us are surrounded by people and still profoundly alone. You can sit in church every Sunday, serve on a rota, and attend a small group, and still have no one who really knows you.
What going it alone cost me
I know what the alternative looks like, because I lived it for years. As I shared in my story, I carried my same-sex attraction in secret from the age of fourteen.
It led to isolation. Isolation led to loneliness. And over time, the weight of carrying it alone contributed to mental health disorders that made the darkest season of my life even darker.
I do not say that to be dramatic. I say it because I think many people underestimate what isolation does to us. We are not built to carry heavy things alone. We break under it.
Where shame began to lose its grip
One of the things that changed everything for me was joining a support group run by True Freedom Trust. Looking back, I can see that it fulfilled all four marks of community.
I belonged there. I was able to contribute, not just receive. My needs were met: to be understood, to stop hiding, and to hear from people further down the road. And there was real emotional connection with people who understood from the inside.
Being part of that group really helped diminish the shame I felt about being same-sex attracted. Shame thrives in secrecy, and it struggles to survive in the presence of people who know the truth about you and stay. That group was genuinely healing for me.
Why this matters so much for SSA Christians
Community matters for every Christian. But same-sex attraction can be a very isolating experience. Many of us have spent years assuming no one else could possibly understand, and have learned to hide as a way of life.
There is something else I want to be honest about. Holding to a traditional biblical sexual ethic means not having a romantic relationship with someone of the same sex. For many of us, that means celibacy, and that can be a hard pill to swallow.
Friendship cannot fulfil all of those needs. I am not going to pretend that it does. But it can help. Friendship within community can help a great deal. Community can support you as you bear this burden, so that you are not carrying it by yourself.
A cord of three strands
Scripture is full of this vision. Ecclesiastes says that two are better than one, because if one falls, the other can help them up, and that "a threefold cord is not quickly broken." Paul describes the church as a body, where every part needs every other part. And Jesus himself did not do his ministry alone; he gathered disciples, ate with them, and called them his friends.
If the Son of God chose to live his life in community, we should not imagine that we can flourish without it.
Yes, it is a risk
I will not tell you that opening up to others is safe or easy. You do not know how people will react. You do not always know in advance whether someone will be safe to share with. That fear is real, and it is reasonable.
It is still a risk, even for me today. But I have found that it is worthwhile. Being known and loved by quality people is worth the risk of being let down by some.
Where to start
If you are an SSA Christian reading this, I would love for you to join us at Reclaim. Our support group exists precisely to be the kind of community I have described: a place of belonging, contribution, care, and real connection.
But if you are not ready for that, I understand, and I do not want to push you. There are other places to start. Connect more deeply at your church. Find a mentor. Join a hobby group. Or simply find one person who can support you on your journey. One is enough to begin.
And if you are a church member or leader reading this, ask yourself whether the people around you experience those four marks. Do they belong? Can they contribute? Are their needs being met? Are they truly known? You may be the person who turns a group of individuals into a community for someone who badly needs one.
We were made for belonging. Let us pursue it with passion.